mababaliw na ata ako.
this is the first time that i will say it out loud that my undergrad sucks! and there's the threat of not finishing it, though i want to. i just get oh-so-fuck-you-all now that i'm older (and i hope wiser). jesus. i hate waking up early and i hate listening to the stupid post-moderns in class.
"exploitation is an obsolete term.... there's no more exploitation, just exclusion and inclusion...according to..."
all because we have allegedly surpassed modernization. hello new world order. hello globalization. post-modernism is the new rock and roll, or so professor S said in class. i had to hold the sigh. i was angry but i was too tired to debate. i'm not good either. i can't defend althusser when she bashed him in class. i was depressed for lunch. i ate vegies for penance.
i try everyday, but boredom is winning.
Slavoj Žižek. Photograph: Mykel Nicolaou/Rex
Slavoj Zizek, 59, was born in Ljubljana, Slovenia. He is a professor at the European Graduate School, international director of the Birkbeck Institute for Humanities in London and a senior researcher at the University of Ljubljana's institute of sociology. He has written more than 30 books on subjects as diverse as Hitchcock, Lenin and 9/11, and also presented the TV series The Pervert's Guide To Cinema.
When were you happiest?
A few times when I looked forward to a happy moment or remembered it - never when it was happening.
What is your greatest fear?
To awaken after death - that's why I want to be burned immediately.
What is your earliest memory?
My mother naked. Disgusting.
Which living person do you most admire, and why?
Jean-Bertrand Aristide, the twice-deposed president of Haiti. He is a model of what can be done for the people even in a desperate situation.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Indifference to the plights of others.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Their sleazy readiness to offer me help when I don't need or want it.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Standing naked in front of a woman before making love.
Aside from a property, what's the most expensive thing you've bought?
The new German edition of the collected works of Hegel.
What is your most treasured possession?
See the previous answer.
What makes you depressed?
Seeing stupid people happy.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
That it makes me appear the way I really am.
What is your most unappealing habit?
The ridiculously excessive tics of my hands while I talk.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
A mask of myself on my face, so people would think I am not myself but someone pretending to be me.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching embarrassingly pathetic movies such as The Sound Of Music.
What do you owe your parents?
Nothing, I hope. I didn't spend a minute bemoaning their death.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To my sons, for not being a good enough father.
What does love feel like?
Like a great misfortune, a monstrous parasite, a permanent state of emergency that ruins all small pleasures.
What or who is the love of your life?
Philosophy. I secretly think reality exists so we can speculate about it.
What is your favourite smell?
Nature in decay, like rotten trees.
Have you ever said 'I love you' and not meant it?
All the time. When I really love someone, I can only show it by making aggressive and bad-taste remarks.
Which living person do you most despise, and why?
Medical doctors who assist torturers.
What is the worst job you've done?
Teaching. I hate students, they are (as all people) mostly stupid and boring.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
What Alain Badiou calls the 'obscure disaster' of the 20th century: the catastrophic failure of communism.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
My birth. I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.
If you could go back in time, where would you go?
To Germany in the early 19th century, to follow a university course by Hegel.
How do you relax?
Listening again and again to Wagner.
How often do you have sex?
It depends what one means by sex. If it's the usual masturbation with a living partner, I try not to have it at all.
What is the closest you've come to death?
When I had a mild heart attack. I started to hate my body: it refused to do its duty to serve me blindly.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
To avoid senility.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The chapters where I develop what I think is a good interpretation of Hegel.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
That life is a stupid, meaningless thing that has nothing to teach you.
Tell us a secret.
Communism will win.
FROM THE GUARDIAN
i recently developed a new appreciation for coldplay. they have a certain quality to their music that goes beyond the mushiness of you-and-me love. as if i heard the scientist for the firts time. ani Difranco's version is also superb!
i've been meaning to fix my playlist since forever. because i share this computer with everyone in the house, i have no control over the songs that go into the media player. i constantly remind my brother to encode the correct song information before exporting it to the player because it screws up the playlist, which, needless to say, makes it extremely difficult for me to find the right song for the right mood. the media library is just full of unknown artist, unknown songs. worse is that the files are sometimes duplicated because of improper file management. the playloist is something that i've been pretty OC about, maybe, for the first few months since the acquisition of the pc. and now, we just have a huge bulk of music files but i still feel inadequate. i need new music. i need variation and meaning and inspiration. because i share the pc with my younger brother (and practically everybody in the house), there's too much emo-sounding music in the library. gahhdd, the iwanttokillmyselfbecausenobodylovesme genre is so tiring to listen to, plus, they all sound the same.
and so i downloaded: iggy pop's heoin hates you, belle and sebastian's life pursuit and electrolane's no shouts no calls. pink floyd will soon follow.
having said this, i will switch to itunes, despite my obvious illiteracy of the software and wish try to give justice to the music.
gusto ko na lang umuwi.
kagabi, pagtapos nating uminom, si cathe, si ayon, si albin, ako, naisip kong antagal-tagal ko ng hinintay na maalala mo kung bakit nandito tayo kung nasaan tayo . naalala mo yung linya ni angela carter sa little red riding hood? cold winters, cold hearts. ewan ko pero parang kahit lunurin natin ng paulit-ulit sa alak, luha at kwento, pare-pareho tayong umuwing mas malungkot kesa nung nagsimula. dahil ba wala na tayong matutubos pa sa mga panahong nagdaan? o dahil paurong lang tayong nagkumustahan? kung gusto mo lang akong sugatan, sana'y hindi mo na dinaan pa sa maligoy na usapan. handa naman akong dumugo.
diba ikinuwento ko rin yung pag-iyak ko pagtapos mapanood yung 1st 9 episodes ng one tree hill season 5. umuwi silang lahat mula sa kani-kanilang paglalakbay matapos ang apat na taon, matapos ang hayskul. sabi nga ni brooke noong una takot siya sa graduation "because high shool is safe, i know my friends and my enemies." kung ganoon lang sana kadali. aalis tayong lahat tapos ay uuwi, mas makinang man o mas pira-piraso kesa noong nagsimula.
sana tumigil muna ang lahat kahit sandali lang. umuwi muna tayo. magpahinga. magpakilala. umalala.
nangyayari na naman ulit.
pinilit nating masilo ang mga tala sa pag-aakalang nakatago dito ang ilang alaalang magbabalik sa ating katinuan. hindi mo man inamin, sumuko ka na bago pa magbukang liwayway, kung kailan sana mag-aalmusal tayo ng matamis na ulap at hamog. kung sana'y naging mas pasensyoso tayo sa paghihintay, siguro hindi tayo aabutinng magdamag sa pagtatama ng mali. hindi ba nangako tayong babaunin ang mga nasilong tala pagpunta natin sa malayo?
